What Defines You.

We have to be careful about what we use to define ourselves.

I used to define myself by work, and more specifically, output. With every crisis averted, problem solved, project completed, and to-do-list item checked off, my self-confidence rose. I was a "get shit done" person.

Then I had a baby.

All of a sudden my high-productivity-self could barely get showered or turn on the dishwasher. A very troubling development and a crushing blow to my sense of self worth. I don't know why "Keep Baby Alive" didn't seem like a large enough item on the to-do-list. In hindsight I really should have been satisfied, proud even, to achieve that on a daily basis, showered or not.

It has taken me an entire year to overcome an obsession with output, and evolve what it is that defines me. A YEAR. Do you realize how much self-flogging can take place in a year? Plenty.

I thankfully emerged with a sense that my greatest skills are to Love and to Understand. I feel things very deeply, and recognize that as a gift. Anyone can get shit done, but how I use my ability to Love and Understand will be what makes a difference in my life and those around me.

My enlightened perspective looks something like this.

• In order to understand deeply, you have to observe. In order to observe, you have to sit still and keep your eyes open. In order to sit still, you have to be willing to do so.
• Big problems are generally not solveable in one go. They may require some trial and error. Making progress is an iterative process that takes patience. Patience requires you to be gentle with others and also with yourself.
• Understanding is a lonesome trait without its partner Discovery. The most satisfying moments are those in which you grasp something new, and see the world more clearly as a result.
• The important things do not have an "end" and cannot be marked as "completed". Things that do, should not cause you to lose sleep. They still have to get done, but recognize them for what they are, and try not to invest emotionally.

So now you understand why you didn't get a photo Christmas card last year. Oh, I have them. Two whole boxes. I even considered drawing bunny ears on us and wishing you a very Merry Easter, but that didn't happen either. Oh well. My kid is thriving and I am clean.